Its been a while...and a great deal has happened...

OK well I started doing the video blogs but alas, although you get the visual presence I feel its not as deep as something that may be written. Times are troubling as of late, with illness topped with a broken heart to contend with.

As many of you may know, who look at my posts on FB & Twitter, I've been in some pain the last few weeks, nearly 3 weeks ago an over powering headache came on and stuck with me for the best part of the last 2 n half weeks. Thankfully this has now faded to a glimmer of a throb in my temple, and after many visits to the hospital and Doctor nothing life threatening was found. Frustrating but in a good way i guess.

The broken heart is whats hitting me hardest at the moment. Generally I don't tend to let people into my life fully, always keeping folk at arms length. Sort of a defence mechanism if you will after being screwed over so many times. But there was one person I did let in, because of the way I felt about her. And the way she feels (or I thought she feels, I may be totally wrong now) about me. It was never an easy relationship anyway, I won't go into details as to how and why but because I felt, and feel so strongly for her I felt the need to fight for what we had. But the fight had gone from her, and the nice things I wanted us to do always turned out wrong, anything I generally did was wrong. Admittedly up and until under a week ago shes been telling me she loves me, but I guess the way she is towards me kinda shows otherwise. Ive always thought action speak louder than words and I wont deny at the beginning my actions spoke nothing towards her, maybe i should have stayed that way, I'm not sure. I don't blame her for the way things are now, I know its more down to a life circumstance rather than us, cos when we did have time together it was always enjoyable. From going to the cinema, dining out, and mini sushi picnics in the valley, to quiet nights in with a chess board and a chinese. I know if she reads this then I'll probably get into trouble, but if you are reading this - I Love You.

and with that I sign off, the question on whether I keep using twitter and facebook is arising, the only thing thats keeping me on there is friends that I have no other means of contact with.

Time will tell, it always does...